I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
