Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
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