I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
