birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
