He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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