i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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