I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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