I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
