I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
