DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
