Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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