did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
