he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
