There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
