First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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