They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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