How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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