Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
