I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
