remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize