just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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