I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
