You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize