Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
