This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
They took my balls.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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