only if we run a train.
done.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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