This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
