Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
