the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
