The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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