i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
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