I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
