i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
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After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
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People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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