At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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