I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
