if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
