There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
