Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
