If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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