I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
