worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
