I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
