I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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