I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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