You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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