bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
