; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
