sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
