..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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