Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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