You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
