Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
