do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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