TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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