I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
