I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
