doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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