Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
