how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
MIDGETS
????
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
