am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
